Hello everyone,
The following elevator and venture pitches are for an app I hope to create one day called Off to School. Feedback is appreciated.
Mark
Elevator Pitch

Venture Pitch

By Mark Bates on November 20, 2014
Hi Mark, I found your venture to be very refreshing. I think you definitely thought of a unique venture and in today's market where everyone is trying to come up with the next big app, you really nailed it. As I am not a parent, I didn't really grasp the need for such an app but after hearing your rationale and reasoning behind your venture, it became quite clear. Your real selling point is simplicity and user-friendliness. You mentioned that many parents don't use social networking devices and can benefit from a simple and straightforward app such as yours. You also presented very useful data to support the viability of your venture. I definitely think that your app has a lot of potential. Great work! Pooneh
Hi Mark, I found your venture to be very refreshing. I think you definitely thought of a unique venture and in today's market where everyone is trying to come up with the next big app, you really nailed it. As I am not a parent, I didn't really grasp the need for such an app but after hearing your rationale and reasoning behind your venture, it became quite clear. Your real selling point is simplicity and user-friendliness. You mentioned that many parents don't use social networking devices and can benefit from a simple and straightforward app such as yours. You also presented very useful data to support the viability of your venture. I definitely think that your app has a lot of potential. Great work! Pooneh
This is a good idea. I can see it being a welcomed app by parents and students. The graphic that displays the map with the bus route and timing is quite effective. It was also a good idea to provide the graphic charts with the app revenue data. It might have been useful to use more of these types of visuals earlier on in your presentation, especially when speaking about numbers or statistics that could be hard to absorb for potential investors who are visual learners. I think that, with your experience, you present yourself as someone who has solid understanding of who will be using this, what the problem is and how to solve it. Overall, this is a great idea and you did a great job with your pitches.
This is a good idea. I can see it being a welcomed app by parents and students. The graphic that displays the map with the bus route and timing is quite effective. It was also a good idea to provide the graphic charts with the app revenue data. It might have been useful to use more of these types of visuals earlier on in your presentation, especially when speaking about numbers or statistics that could be hard to absorb for potential investors who are visual learners. I think that, with your experience, you present yourself as someone who has solid understanding of who will be using this, what the problem is and how to solve it. Overall, this is a great idea and you did a great job with your pitches.
Hello Mark. I think you've presented a brilliant work! Your pitch is super neat, straight to the point, and flows nicely. Your delivery is full of confidence, I'm quite impressed. You define the problem, present a solution, indicate the target market and point out the potential users that will benefit from your app. Describing your key differentiators from existing competitor products establishes confidence and ensures that your solution is unique and you know what you're doing and why you're doing it. You didn't specify why the members of your team are the right people for executing this vision; I suppose it is OK not to have a great team at this point but investors would want to know all the details. Your pitch presents a good business model, you seem to know the industry well enough to build a profitable venture. Well done!
Hello Mark. I think you've presented a brilliant work! Your pitch is super neat, straight to the point, and flows nicely. Your delivery is full of confidence, I'm quite impressed. You define the problem, present a solution, indicate the target market and point out the potential users that will benefit from your app. Describing your key differentiators from existing competitor products establishes confidence and ensures that your solution is unique and you know what you're doing and why you're doing it. You didn't specify why the members of your team are the right people for executing this vision; I suppose it is OK not to have a great team at this point but investors would want to know all the details. Your pitch presents a good business model, you seem to know the industry well enough to build a profitable venture. Well done!
This is a great idea for an app that would certainly deliver strong value to users while providing advertisers access to specific demographics to send targeted messages to the growing number of smartphones out there. It’s an excellent opportunity and the elevator pitch did a great job of getting my attention. The pain point was clear and this solution improves on the archaic systems already in place. I would have liked to learn a little more about your team, unless you’re doing it all yourself. Also, what are your projections for achieving sustainable profits after your the operating costs are paid off? This would make a great investment and if I hadn’t already given the green light on three others, this would be on my list. Well done.
This is a great idea for an app that would certainly deliver strong value to users while providing advertisers access to specific demographics to send targeted messages to the growing number of smartphones out there. It’s an excellent opportunity and the elevator pitch did a great job of getting my attention. The pain point was clear and this solution improves on the archaic systems already in place. I would have liked to learn a little more about your team, unless you’re doing it all yourself. Also, what are your projections for achieving sustainable profits after your the operating costs are paid off? This would make a great investment and if I hadn’t already given the green light on three others, this would be on my list. Well done.
Hi Mark, What a professional, clean and well put together pitch! As a parent of a first grader, I feel like I'm always searching for school related information and not knowing where to find it, so I definately see the need for a product like this. Here is some constructive feedback: the pace of both pitches is a bit slow, I felt like your message could have been conveyed in half the time. By presenting the product a bit more quickly, I believe you would have been able to generate a bit more excitement and show more enthusiasm about your idea. In regards to the actual product, I think there may be some work to do in regards to reviewing what type of information should be included in the app. I'm not sure about the public transportation routes tab; how many of your users actually take the city bus? And how many of those actually need to look up bus routes/schedules to get to school everyday? Wouldn't they be better off accessing the public transportation apps specific to their city? Instead of this kind of information, wouldn't informatiion school specific information/dates/announcements be more useful to your users? For example, we just missed my daughters "uniform free" day at school yesterday, wouldn't it be great to have this app send us a reminder? Otherwise, great job!
Hi Mark, What a professional, clean and well put together pitch! As a parent of a first grader, I feel like I'm always searching for school related information and not knowing where to find it, so I definately see the need for a product like this. Here is some constructive feedback: the pace of both pitches is a bit slow, I felt like your message could have been conveyed in half the time. By presenting the product a bit more quickly, I believe you would have been able to generate a bit more excitement and show more enthusiasm about your idea. In regards to the actual product, I think there may be some work to do in regards to reviewing what type of information should be included in the app. I'm not sure about the public transportation routes tab; how many of your users actually take the city bus? And how many of those actually need to look up bus routes/schedules to get to school everyday? Wouldn't they be better off accessing the public transportation apps specific to their city? Instead of this kind of information, wouldn't informatiion school specific information/dates/announcements be more useful to your users? For example, we just missed my daughters "uniform free" day at school yesterday, wouldn't it be great to have this app send us a reminder? Otherwise, great job!
Great idea! Your elevator pitch was engaging and informative. I had a good idea of what you were trying to achieve and that there was a real need for this product. I like the idea of consolidated information service. Your venture pitch is very professional and it is helpful that you have an existing business platform to pitch this idea from. I am sure that prospective investors find this reassuring. I was very happy to hear that you have an in-app upgrade feature to remove the ads. Your pitch provided a lot of information about the revenue forecast around the ‘freemium’ model that you do a good job of demonstrating the benefits of. It is obvious you are passionate and well informed in this area and are an excellent leader, again something prospective investors would likely be keen to see. Overall both components of your pitch are very informative and strong. I am excited to see your idea grow!
Great idea! Your elevator pitch was engaging and informative. I had a good idea of what you were trying to achieve and that there was a real need for this product. I like the idea of consolidated information service. Your venture pitch is very professional and it is helpful that you have an existing business platform to pitch this idea from. I am sure that prospective investors find this reassuring. I was very happy to hear that you have an in-app upgrade feature to remove the ads. Your pitch provided a lot of information about the revenue forecast around the ‘freemium’ model that you do a good job of demonstrating the benefits of. It is obvious you are passionate and well informed in this area and are an excellent leader, again something prospective investors would likely be keen to see. Overall both components of your pitch are very informative and strong. I am excited to see your idea grow!
REVIEW: Hi Mark, great job! I thought your pitch was clear and to the point. I found this opportunity very timely. There is potential for investors like me. There is a need for this kind of information for parents, constantly immersed with large amounts of data. But parents mainly are looking at if their child has to go to school or if there is a practice tonight. Your focus is clearly determined and the expertise is well presented. As you said, "it has an impact on their personal life and schedule." I found your deck well presented and easy to understand. Graphics show information and support the voice. For an investor, key features are discussed: pain points, competitive edge, business model, growth opportunity, market analysis, marketing plan and team credibility! At this point, it gives me ideas on how to improve mine. This presentation is well supported with backed data. You present profits, that is well appreciated, as investors would be asking for it. I don't suppose investors will just give money without numbers...It looks like an easy and simple project, when running, and I am sure an investment would bring large ROI to the investors. If I were an investor, I would seriously look into your project. Good luck.
REVIEW: Hi Mark, great job! I thought your pitch was clear and to the point. I found this opportunity very timely. There is potential for investors like me. There is a need for this kind of information for parents, constantly immersed with large amounts of data. But parents mainly are looking at if their child has to go to school or if there is a practice tonight. Your focus is clearly determined and the expertise is well presented. As you said, "it has an impact on their personal life and schedule." I found your deck well presented and easy to understand. Graphics show information and support the voice. For an investor, key features are discussed: pain points, competitive edge, business model, growth opportunity, market analysis, marketing plan and team credibility! At this point, it gives me ideas on how to improve mine. This presentation is well supported with backed data. You present profits, that is well appreciated, as investors would be asking for it. I don't suppose investors will just give money without numbers...It looks like an easy and simple project, when running, and I am sure an investment would bring large ROI to the investors. If I were an investor, I would seriously look into your project. Good luck.
Hi Mark. An excellent venture, one that is practical as well as a necessity. The main appeal of this app to a potential investor is that it aims to solve society’s constant need for direct, fast and latest updates. The fact that one does not have to go through multiple sources to obtain information quickly is a major selling point of Boxed apps. From an investor’s point of view, I would want to know about the competition. You have mentioned that news and radio reports often give information in intervals so I would not consider them the main competition but what about school websites the update information? In addition, how do you plan on convincing buyers of school districts who all have Twitter accounts and use it as a way for sending out school information via tweets, whether it be upcoming report cards, parent-teacher interviews, sports, clubs, tutoring after school as well as school closures? Twitter has become the most widely use app in school districts; therefore, as a potential investor, I might be hesitant to invest. Will Box apps run a trial period with school districts to get feedback from administrators and school clerks who can attest to its viability? Overall, this endeavour is very strong and the fact that who focus on the idea of instant knowledge is a key driving force and an integral part of your marketing strategy. Well done!
Hi Mark. An excellent venture, one that is practical as well as a necessity. The main appeal of this app to a potential investor is that it aims to solve society’s constant need for direct, fast and latest updates. The fact that one does not have to go through multiple sources to obtain information quickly is a major selling point of Boxed apps. From an investor’s point of view, I would want to know about the competition. You have mentioned that news and radio reports often give information in intervals so I would not consider them the main competition but what about school websites the update information? In addition, how do you plan on convincing buyers of school districts who all have Twitter accounts and use it as a way for sending out school information via tweets, whether it be upcoming report cards, parent-teacher interviews, sports, clubs, tutoring after school as well as school closures? Twitter has become the most widely use app in school districts; therefore, as a potential investor, I might be hesitant to invest. Will Box apps run a trial period with school districts to get feedback from administrators and school clerks who can attest to its viability? Overall, this endeavour is very strong and the fact that who focus on the idea of instant knowledge is a key driving force and an integral part of your marketing strategy. Well done!