E-mmersion

You have a well thought about plan for an interesting product. You will have many challenges tackling this massive market of competition to have your product's voice be heard. I think that a product like this needs to have it's success proven first before an initial investment can be made. Your skills at pitching this idea shows you have what it takes to clearly present the product and it's features. This will help stick out and be known in this massive market to your potential customers.

The concept behind your product is very strong and I think that there is a very large market for it. I also thought that your venture pitch was also strong, and thought you did a good job of using useful visuals without cluttering the screen. I agree with others that there were some interesting choices made in the shooting of both your pitches; but did not find them overly distracting. That being said it does affect the professionalism of your pitches.

Feedback: I found that your elevator pitch presentation lacks more details and needs more clarification. There are many applications in the market now that would cover your product and are free of charge. I find that your platform is a prototype of other products. It would be better to narrow your focus and show what is so unique about what you are trying to offer. I know it’s a challenge in this revolutionized venture market but this doesn't appeal to me. Little work is needed but overall effort was shown especially, in your venture pitch.

E-mmersion Feedback - I think the venture has great potential. We are definitely seeing the rise in French Immersion in our school boards here. However, we are also seeing an even greater increase in French only school attendance. Our EAL team tells us that the predictions are that the need for this will drop dramatically in the coming years and many language schools in the city are preparing for the possibility of closure. This is particular to English in English speaking areas, however, and has to do with the changes to immigration policy and timelines so I am not really all that concerned that you will not have a market for your product. As you have mentioned you are looking at scalability to other languages and countries. Another opportunity would be in Asia where English is often taught. As others have pointed out, I thought the choice to wear sunglasses was strange. Although I am aware that there are many people who, for legitimate medical reasons, require tinted lenses, in this setting it detracts from your credibility. I wondered if it was because you wanted to hide the eye tracking that can be visible on video when you read from a script. I was also disappointed by the audio quality of the video particularly in the second one. I also thought you probably could have had a better head shot than the one taken from your earlier video. These are really nit picky things. Overall I thought the pitch did a great job of illustrating exactly the challenge with current in-class immersion environments and with online interfaces. I like the idea of games, if they can be social (ie. with chat functions included). There were a couple of immediately apparent problems for me (and I noticed others pointed these out as well) which is that it seems that students will still be interacting with one another rather than with native speakers. You would need to somehow support the seeding of native speakers into the system. You would also need to ensure there is a high level of auditory interaction (the quality of your video let you down here - if you can't manage the audio on your pitch video, I'm worried about how well audio interaction will go in the actual software). I think the fee may be high and I'm not sure if a per student rate is the way to go. I like the option of having individual student purchasing ability for those who want to do it at home or those that need extra help in classes that aren't interested in purchasing for everyone, but I think you might be better served to negotiate school wide or board wide fees. I like the idea of verifying credentials. How will this apply to small schools or alternative education facilities? I really liked that you already had support from Canadian Parents for French and from a number of FI teachers. I would have liked to know more about the financial end of things. What kind of return can be expected and how soon? What kind of specific investment is being sought?

I think this is a fine idea and something that may be useful for a host of language learners of a number of different languages. Your elevator pitch is good, overall. I think that stylistically (I.e., in terms of presentation) the sunglasses made it seem like you were hiding something. They’re just not an open look in an indoor video. That’s a minor critique, though. Venture Pitch: Your venture pitch is thorough. I think that you’ve done a good job identifying a product. My main question is if an online immersion (or e-mmersion) experience for second-language students still solves the problem that you highlight. If the issue is that students in immersion classes don’t have enough time in an immersive environment, I’m not sure that an online program is the solution. Would students not simply spend their time online, detached from a cultural experience and isolated in their learning with one (or two) other learners?

Hi Owen, This was a great pitch and I definitely think that your venture has potential. Although I am not an immersion teacher, I have a background in EFL and found your concept very intriguing. Firstly, your theory and rationale are excellent and you clearly state the problems that currently exist in k-12. It is quite sure that for students to become fluent in a language, they must use it continuously and in a meaningful and collaborate way. You also do a great job of addressing the issues with realistic solutions and not just for the purpose of 'sounding good'. I like the fact that your venture uses real teachers and allows students to engage with each other in a secure and visually stimulating platform, which means a more effective product. Great work! Pooneh

This is an excellent concept and one that does lend itself to a great venture. You set up the pain point and solution extremely well; the endorsement from parents and school groups further strengthened your pitch. Your ideas for scalability including the potential to move to other languages and into Europe set the stage for expansion, which is appealing to investors. One aspect that would have make the pitch more compelling is one or two visuals to demonstrate how the interfaces will “look” and “feel” and to spend a bit more time on the product (although I will concede that would be very labour intensive for a fictional venture as you declare in the you tube posting). Your passion for the topic comes through which aids in your credibility; your focus on the safety of the kids who will participate is also a real selling point to parents. Overall a very well thought out pitch.

REVIEW: Hi Owen, we have similar interests in immersion training so I was particularly interested in your venture pitch. I think the market for your venture has great potential and agree that it is very scale-able. It would be great to get the business set up in Canada with French-English immersion since you are familiar with it, and then expand to other languages as laid out in your pitch. I had a had time visualizing the platform though, so before I would invest I would like to see the platform and how it all works together. I would also like to know more about the level of commitment from the teachers. Do they just sign their students up or are they also active in e-mmersion? Is there someone moderating? With cyber bullying threats in today's technological age this is something to address. Finally, upon demonstration of a pilot template subject to my approval, I would choose to invest.

Hi Owen,

Nice job with your elevator pitch via a video on YouTube. I liked how you 'invited' the viewer to be a part of the venture. You laid out key features such as pain point, business model, market and the 'ask'. Although I found the pitch effective, the sunglasses distracting and lessened the affordance of video to interpret facial expression.

The video for your venture pitch of E-mmersion (clever name) was very informative. You hit key points such as indicating passion for project, personal experience in the area, linked relevant research and elaborated on pain points addressed. Your knowledge of the needs of the immersion community were evident. I like how you worked the safety angle, the large market (North America and Europe), possibly to expand to other popular languages, and the endorsement. From a design perspective, I would suggest eliminating text animations, unifying text layouts, making a greater differentiation between headings and body or simply using larger full screen images with minimal text overlay.
<br. Mark

Hi Owen, I really like the idea for your venture; I was a French immersion student in New Brunswick and I truly believe that I never wholly developed an understanding of the language because we didn't have solid opportunities to converse. I also see a lot of possibilities in terms of scalability, which you appropriately incorporated into both pitches. I thought your elevator pitch was strong - you came across as both confident and knowledgeable. Your venture pitch was very informative; in particular I liked the stats section. Like Lindsay, I would suggest that you clarify the financial ask so that investors know exactly what it is that you need and have an idea of what they might get in return. It also might be wise to include contact details for potential investors on the last slide. Overall, I thought this was well done!