Hi Dan, I liked your elevator pitch. Your imaginary product is interesting (performance support system for teachers) and arguably fulfills a need. The description of the technical aspects of your product and how it will work is good, but your venture pitch is lacking some key elements. You should indicate in some way how you are going to build this product by showing the leadership group and their value to the venture, and some idea of the team and the process that would be involved in bringing the product to market, how long it would take, and what resources you would need. There needs to be an indication of direct and indirect competitors and the barriers and risks for a new venture in the marketplace. For instance, the adoption of google glass as a consumer product failed. Why? You need to show that you have addressed the issues that plagued that products release before you can successfully launch a similar product of your own. And you forgot the most important part. What is the “Ask”? The pitch needs to end with a prompt for the investor to take action. From your pitch, I wouldn’t know what it is you need from me to help make you successful.